Posted by: Ticktock | August 30, 2008

I Teach The “Controversy” of Evolution!

*This post today in honor of McCain’s VP pick, Sarah Palin, who believes that we should teach the “controversy” of evolution and creationism in public schools.

Today, class, we’re continuing our lesson on the “controversialorigins of life.

Yesterday, we discussed evolution through natural selection, a theory first developed by (the evil) Charles Darwin over a century ago.  Just to review, since the publication of (devil worshiper) Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, our observations and scientific advancements have only served to validate the theory of evolution.  Or to put it in a way that is fair to the “controversy”, God is testing whether we have an unswerving belief in him by planting misleading evidence in the fossil record and that we will all go to hell unless we deny the evidence for evolution that the natural world constantly provides us.

Which brings us to today’s lesson – that God made the heavens and the Earth, the plants and the animals, and humanity in the form of Adam and Eve.  Now, if you follow the ancestral lineage as detailed in the Bible, you will see that Adam and Eve were created by God roughly 6,000 years ago.  Now, we know that the Earth is billions of years old from a variety of multiple observations and measurements, and we’ve also discovered early hominids (such as australopithecus) that predate homo sapiens and aren’t mentioned in the Old Testament.  Again, remember, that in today’s lesson we are chalking up those lines of evidence contradicting the bible to a capricious and all-powerful God tempting humanity into false belief.

Now just like science, the Bible has undergone peer review.  The councils of Nicea, Constantinople, and Ephesus were a way for humans to clear up confusion from the Bible, an ancient collection of texts with anonymously authored content that contradicts scientific observation.  For instance, every bit of observable evidence leads us to the concept that we live on a spherical Earth that rotates around the sun.  Yet, the Bible tells us that we live on a flat Earth in a geocentric universe.  Again, today we are learning that such observations are tricks of the devil.    Isn’t that an interesting controversy?

Theists point to the complex majestic natural interactions that occur on this planet that improbably support life.  Surely, a creator must have designed a world that provides the abundance of resources we find in our ecosystem.  Of course, since the concept of God can’t be falsified, we can ask ourselves one simple logical question.  If all the Earth’s natural complexity and beauty was created by a God, then who created the God?  Surely, any all-powerful self-aware designer would be complex enough to have been designed himself.  Again, in today’s class we are teaching the controversy, so we must categorize such questions as sinful thoughts planted by the Devil or one of his demons.

For homework tonight, I want you all to pray for a new toy and write down your observations on whether you get the toy.  Then I want you to write an essay on the results of your prayer.  If you get the toy, write about how you proved God’s existence, and if you don’t get the toy, write about how God is testing you.

Tomorrow we will teach the global warming “controversy”.

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Responses

  1. Thanks. 🙂

  2. […] no further.  The Skeptic Dad shows us how to do it […]

  3. Totally support your cause and all, but I think (at least in the case of “Wired”) that the reports on Palin’s intentions about teaching the controversy were a little exaggerated. I’m not exactly sure she’s going to promote creationism just because of that Wired report. On the other hand, she’s the VP to MCCAIN, so, uh, I guess she’s a die-hard creationist who wouldn’t mind turning every school in America into Bible school.


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