Posted by: Ticktock | September 24, 2008

Failure To Thrive – My Lil’ Princess

For just pennies a day, you could help this starving child become healthy again.  Babies just like Juliet here are going hungry because they have a Failure to Thrive.  Yes, she seems perfectly normal and happy, but underneath that jubilant exterior lurks the ever present danger of being petite.  Yes, the World Health Organization’s growth and weight chart put her in the 30th percentile globally for weight gain even though their records don’t include starving nations, but here in America this baby is only in the 2nd percentile for weight gain.  Clearly, she is not fat enough for America, and you can help thicken her up with a donation.

With your money, this baby can afford extensive tests that include chemical-induced sweating, blood samples, surgical endoscopy, and other unpleasantness.  Surely, you wouldn’t want this little girl to miss out on being subjected to a battery of tests!  Don’t delay and call now.

I urge you to send a check or money order to Sally Struthers and help this needy child receive the nourishment she needs.  Call now 1-800-SAVE-JULIET or you can pay by credit card by simply e-mailing  Don’t wait.  This baby is hungry.  With enough money, we can send her to daycare to plump her up.

This message has been brought to you by the Smart Ass Council of Indignant Parents.



  1. That poor child looks ready to waste away (just in case sarcasm only comes across face to face). You must feed her more deep fried mars bars.

  2. My wife once caught her mother feeding BUTTER to one of our nieces because she thought she was too skinny.

    Ironically, my daughter is not only wearing the same tiny strawberry polka dot outfit today, but she is also unAmericanly petite despite being born six weeks early. You’d think she would really plump up with all that extra time!

  3. […] wanted to update a previous post about my 1.5 year old daughter, Juliet.  The doctors sent her through a series of tests to see why […]

  4. The antibiotics weren’t prescribed for any of the reasons the nurses gave. They are given to prevent the risk of transient bacteremia. The mouth if full of bacteria that doesn’t belong in the blood.

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