Posted by: Ticktock | March 27, 2009

Totally Hypothetical Situation

This totally hypothetical situation is not based on a true story.  If it were based on a real person, then it would be quite embarrassing for that person, but of course, it’s not based on a real person.

Let’s pretend that you are taking your 4 year old and 1.5 year old to a playground that is four blocks away on the other side of the neighborhood.  You arrive at the empty playground, and your 1.5 year old is already joyfully running around and sliding down slides.  But, your 4 year old turns to you and says that she has to go poo poo NOW!  There are no bathrooms in the vicinity.  What would you do?

A.  Strap them both in the stroller and RACE back home, risking an accident and an epic temper tantrum from the 1.5 year old.

B.  Find a nearby house and ask a stranger if you can use their bathroom for an emergency.

C.  Tell your kid to hold it and let her run the risk of a messy accident.

D.  Pull her over to the side of the playground and let her go #2 in the grass as if she were an uncivilized child raised by wolves.

Let’s say that you chose option D just for the sake of it, and a random neighbor kid came over just after the act was finished.  Would you scoop it up like you would after a dog?  Or would you be too embarrassed and let it sit there?  And if you let it sit there, would you go back under the cover of darkness and clean it up later?

Just wondering.  Thanks.




  1. LOL!
    Well, I have a dog that I take to the park with us so I’d probably have a really good cover story and “poop and scoop” pretending it was him…

  2. I’d probably choose to hike back home and then back to the park. But yeah, I’d either clean it up or go back and clean it up.

    Can you imagine if your kid found something like that at the edge of the park?

  3. My wife and Have done A. with my similarly aged 4 (now nearly 6) daughter and aged 2 (now nearly 3) son. Except instead of going back home we went to a different park some more blocks away that had facilities. I think it was on bicycles too, so we got there faster. Leaving still generated a tantrum in the 2 year old, but it only lasted until we reached the next place.

    When my son was much younger and my wife wanted quiet time I would go out with just my daughter. We frequently encountered a similar situation except she was both the generator of the poo AND the tantrum. I think I usually handled the situation the same way by suggesting we explore the next place along the path (sometimes a stop at a gas station). That worked too.

  4. The thing is that this kind of thing happens allllll the time. Its like the sight of a playground makes my kids literally poop their pants. One time I found a discarded plastic shopping back and a private place and told my 5 year old to squat. Afterward I sealed up the bag and threw it away. I felt quite smug about my quick problem-solving skills.

  5. Fertilize the bushes, of course (not the grass where someone might step in it). We’re barbarians over here in Israel 😆 …

  6. This is precisely why we never leave home without a “check” trip to the bathroom. However, kids being kids, once there, this could still happen. My response would depend on the kid. (My son, we’d high-tail it home; my daughter, we’d find an out of the way bush, or high-tail it home depending on the public nature of the surrounds.)

  7. Hypothetically, your ” friend” made the right decision. Although it’s tough explaining “dog poop” with gummi bears in it. Luckily this same episode happened to me but I had to make a choice between the port-a-potty after softball night (our playground is in a ballfield complex) or au natural in the woods behind the playground. Now I can joke with my daughter on with the ultimate rhetorical question “does an Olivia poop in the woods?” , we can confidently give a correct answer. Cheers to your “friend”!!

  8. My quite sensible mother would vote for examining the nearby bushes. Modern sensibilites would cause me to scoop the poop.

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